Computer Technology - The Aussie Way

This is for Jarek... you can never call me a Geek again !

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LOG OFF : Not adding any more wood to the barbie.

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MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the barbie.

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DOWNLOAD: Getting the firewood off the ute.

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HARD DRIVE: Making the trip back home without any cold drinks.

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KEYBOARD: Where you hang the ute keys.

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WINDOW: What you shut when the weather's cold.

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SCREEN: What you shut in the mozzie season.

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BYTE: What mozzies do.

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MEGABYTE: What Townsville mozzies do.

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CHIP: A fried potato snack.

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MICROCHIP: Small crunchy bit that's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

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MODEM: What you did to the lawns on Sat arvo.

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LAPTOP: Where the cat sleeps.

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SOFTWARE: Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.

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HARDWARE: Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.

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MOUSE : The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

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MAINFRAME: What holds the shed up.

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WEB: What spiders make.

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WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

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SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the ute won't go.

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CURSOR: What you say when the ute won't go.

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YAHOO: What you say when the ute does go.

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UPGRADE: A steep hill.

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SERVER: The person at the cafe who brings out the lunch.

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MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the cafe who brings out the lunch.

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USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

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NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

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INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

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NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.

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ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

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OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

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PC : To be Politically Correct - Us Aussies are SO good at that *cough*

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OS: Overseas

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TOOLBAR: Where you purchase power tools.

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DRIVER: The operator of a motor vehicle

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ROUTER: A person who navigates for the driver

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WEBMASTER: An artistic spider

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My Only Disclaimer - Yeah ok, so I copied & pasted most of the above .. twas an email from my sister :D

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oops.. here is a legend for those who are not fully Aussified :)

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Barbie - Aussie BBQ - not to be confused with Ken's plastic girlfriend. Cook outdoors on a barbecue plate or grill

i.e. ""throw another shrimp on the barbie" btw.. we dont call them shrimp here.. they are Prawns far too large to be called shrimp.. yums

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Ute - utility vehicle, normally a cab front with flat tray back. Australian origin. The tray area is often used for parties /better views at sporting venues /sleeping / and or ...err activities..lol

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Mozzie - Australian for mosquito.

i.e "these flaming mozzies are sucking me blood dry bazza"

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Jarek - A polish guy living in Italy - such a cheeky bugger... I often wonder how does his wife put up with him?

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Aussified - A state of interpreting Australians, to be Aussified you must :-

• Like beer or any other effective alcohol - but not Fosters! We all wanna get pissed, but we do have some principles left.
• Consistently beats the English at almost all sports - then rub it in no end
• Greet everyone with 'G'day' and farewell them with 'Orroo'
• Be used to sunny hot weather, and dislike cold weather
• Love skinny dipping
• Think the Kiwi's shag sheep
• Understand that Australia does NOT claim Russel Crowe as an aussie
• Think beer is the aussie equivalent of a health drink
• Be prepared to do THIS in a public arena
• Think the 'Tasweigens' (Tasmanians) are in-bred - look for the scar from the second head removal
• Think that there is no better time to be had than drinking/fishing and playing up
• Have a problem with New Zealand being better at rugby - sheep shaggers the lot of em!
• Be able to talk the ear off a grasshopper
• Dislike John Howard - and never purchase a track suit like this
• Use beer in place of water
• Be able to utter 'Crikey' in a Steve Irwin fashion
• Be able to understand the following dinky di phrases -
• 'He was a fast as a dunny door in a cyclone'
• 'Don't come the raw prawn with me mate'
• 'He's got a few Kangaroos loose in the top paddock'
• 'Any tic of the clock'
• 'She'll be apples'
• 'He went arse over
• 'That's the bee's knees'
• '2 Cackleberries for me please'
• 'She looked like a dog's breaky mate'
• 'a bit more choke and you would have started'
• 'I was flat out like a lizard drinking'

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Aussie's are... argh..who cares, I'm a happy little vegemite so pass me a pie floater.