Terribly sad news

Mel is my dear friend, I have known her for 10 years and I love her dearly.

Yesterday I read Mel's blog.

I often check in to see how she is going, it's one of our vehicles of communication.

I know her so well that in my head, I can often hear her voice reciting what I read when I view her blog.

I frequently howl with laughter at the chronicles of her life.

Yesterday was different.

I quote from her latest post.

"I am a little bit behind and confused at the moment. So many different hurts around me.. "

"I learnt a friend had lost her son in a tragic... well accident is the wrong word. An accident is an unforseen event. It isnt an accident that if you drive under the influence of prescription drugs you can cause something horrible."

"I just feel rather lost..."

I felt .... for want of a better term, a terrible sadness came over me.

I know by Mel writing this, something really awful had happened. Mel cares deeply for her friends and always shares their pain - sometimes to her own detriment. (before she says it - yes I do that myself too. Birds of a feather eh?)

I left a message for Mel saying -

"Just remember, one step at a time Mel, try to combat everything at once and you will continue to feel lost. Baby steps through you whole life, has hurt no one :) Hugs"

Obviously, someone Mel knew had lost their child.

As a mother myself, my heart instantly went out to this lady. I had no idea of whom it was nor whom the child was.

I have dealt with the loss of loved ones in my life, parents, friends, acquaintances - but I just knew it was far too painful to imagine myself in the shoes of someone who lost a child.

I can sympathise, but not empathise.

Empathy would mean having to imagine myself going through the emotions this mother was experiencing. That is.... unconscionable - I simply can not ideate that scenario. My mind stops me before I can get there. Self protection, no doubt.

Last night, Mel phoned me.

I DO know this lady.
I DID know this child.

Phuck.......

I sit here now with fingers on my worn keyboard.. but I simply do not know what to type next.

I still feel all the things I did before I knew that it was Beckles who had lost her son but now... now it is different.

Faces.....Memories ........ laughter shared with Beckles over many years, replace the anonymity I saw in the newspapers. The story about the death of two teenage boys who died for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. No other reason.

My heat breaks for you Becca. May your precious memories of Nathan be with you always.

Rest in peace gorgeous child.

That is all I can say.